Best Life - March 2009

EXECUTIVE ZEN
Success Traps
ASK THE
CAREER
COACH
The Four Seasons’ Alex von Bidder explains

Insider advice for leadership success

(FFOM LEF T) VEER/CORBIS; GE T T Y IMAGES

Choice. What a conundrum. Take my friend Tom, drinking a fine Oregon pinot with his buddy Andrew, sitting poolside at the Four Seasons. Tom has it made. As the editor-in-chief of a successful publication, he has power, money, and enviable perks. And he has three smart, beautiful children and a terrific wife. What else could any man want?

But something tells Tom he’s missing out on the fun. This nagging voice pulls him in many directions as he fantasizes about what else he could do. “There must be something wrong with me,” he says, as his doubting endlessly stirs him up.

Tom has reached the point of successfulness when many of us begin to have serious doubts and realize that working can’t create all of our pleasure, no matter the perks, fame, or money.

When you were in school, and then embarking on your journey into the working world, you didn’t notice this voice from within. You were having fun exerting yourself. You hiked

up the slope and climbed over any boulders in your way. Once in a while you tripped and fell, but you always got up, brushed yourself off, and continued on your chosen path. Then there it was, just before you reached the summit, a voice asking,

What’s next? Is there another mountain? One that’s more challenging or farther away?

No matter how successful you become by doing one thing, parts of it eventually cease to be fun. Sooner or later, the stuff you’ve achieved won’t matter as much as you originally thought it would. The elusive contentment is still further away. How will you ever find the adrenaline rush of the past again?

Beware of the temptation to get away from it all. The solution isn’t giving up on your quest in order to find enjoyment. During these turbulent times, try gratitude for the security of regular pay and health

insurance, and perhaps you might enjoy the identity the job gives you today. Or try to find another way to approach your work: Use your unique talents to make it feel like play, while giving others more of what you’re done with and bored with for now. Know there is a middle ground between the thrill of the chase and the boredom of more of the same.

While you hang in there, give yourself permission to explore other ways and different venues to become more of you. Invest in some low-cost exploration in order to know how much energy there might be elsewhere. You are so lucky. A longer life span calls you to tackle more than just one kind of career. If you’re smart, the second one will be achieved not by climbing but by being open to hearing where you are needed most, where your being is valued as much as your doing.

My office fling was
promoted over me.
Should I end the
relationship?
That depends: Is she hot? Just
kidding. The reality is that no
rules exist to guide your actions
except for the ones you’ve
already broken, but as long
as her promotion doesn’t inflate
her head or your insecurities,
don’t lose too much sleep over
it. Just remember that you are

BOSSY BEHAVIOR “How come you always end up on top?”

Alex von Bidder is the managing partner of the Four Seasons Restaurant, which sees more power personalities than even the White House. He calms his mind on the yoga mat as a certified instructor.

STAIRWAY TO…

Make sure you don’t have a surprise waiting for you at the top.

entering perilous territory, as promotions have a nasty way of changing people for the worse. She may start acting senior in ways you find annoying. She may start receiving invitations to corporate events and cocktail parties that somehow miss your in-box. If things aren’t working out, sit down and have a business conversation about it. Don’t be mean and don’t be a wimp. Just talk with the woman about her recent career upgrade and how she thinks it might affect your professional rapport. Approaching her like this will either ease the tension in the relationship or initiate its demise. But it’s less likely to generate the kind of lousy feelings that haunt budget meetings and performance reviews than if you were to take issue with her superior attitude and become a thorn in her side. Of course, your dilemma may solve itself. She might break up with you. Ouch. That hurt. But don’t feel too bad. It’s not personal. It’s business.